It’s now Thursday afternoon,, October 1, 2008 and we are still hanging on, but time is taking it’s toll on us. Deb is still unconscious and moving both arms up and down very slowly , straight up and down, like the blades of a windmill.
I have still been singing accapella, changing her diapers when needed, and the family has stood extremely tough and outwardly positive against “what could be”. A few of our close friends were still coming and giving us much needed support, particularly the two “Eileens” who were so caring right there “in the moment” with us. Kate and Alicia were working during the day or evening as they needed to be outside this environment and also with friends.
However, on this particular afternoon Alicia was with me when the surgeon came into the room. He had a clipboard in his hand with papers on it. I knew why he came. It had been explained during this week that the breathing tube had to come out as pneumonia, staph, and strep were all real possibilities as that tube was doing damage to her tissues and water was building up in her bronchial tubes. They were going to have to “trache her”; an abbreviated vernacular for performing a tracheotomy whereby they open a hole in her throat and feed her by tube. In other words, it was a step to prevent more deterioration in her condition, plain and simple and she needed nourishment.
I remember this physician because of his manner. He was so “matter of fact”, his demeanor silently spoke “this is what I am going to do and I have no emotion invested”, as it should be with the profession. He’s probably performed hundreds of them. I didn’t ask. But that isn’t where my emotional state was. Every evening after 10 PM this past week I was crying and despairing. I was with my close friends in the “living room”. It was Kenny H’s house. For years, it was where we went to jam almost every Friday night. The equipment was all set up in the living room. We would go to a club or bar where groups we knew had a gig and then return to the living room to Jam until 1 AM. There were nights I walked home; only a mile and a half and I more than half “in the bag”.
“So Mr. Stratman, these are the consent forms to perform the tracheotomy tomorrow morning.” the surgeon stated somewhat plaintively. I looked at Alicia and then I looked back at him and said, “Doctor, please give us some time to talk about it. Could you kindly leave the papers here and we will give them to the nursing staff?” “I really appreciate it.” We sat in the two chairs that belonged to the room. “Li, what do you think? I mean if we don’t consent now, we have until next Monday. These guys don’t work on the weekends.” I waited for Alicia for a few moments and then she said, “Dad, I don’t know but it’s only another 3 days. Mom keeps moving in bed, she responds to some touch now (squeezing her toes).” That was what I needed to hear. “Okay, Li, let’s hold on over the weekend.” She replied, “Good, Dad.”
Sunday, October 3rd was a windy, chilly overcast day. It was Sunday and lots of family was visiting Deb. The room was crowded with chairs and lots of chattering noise. Flowers all over the place. It was early afternoon and Deb’s eyelids were quivering suddenly. “Come on Deb, honey, wake up. I and everyone else had been commanding her to open her eyes for the last 10 days. Her brothers, sisters, friends, her children…, the doctors, the nurses.. Today was the day. She opened her eyes and I asked her, “Deb, do you know who I am?” She replied, you’re my husband.” What is my name? I asked. “Tom” she replied with a smile. Her voice was so weak. The news traveled fast….and now the other questions needed to be answered. Can she swallow food? Can she walk? Can she remember? Can she control her functions? Can she get up?
Does she have a sense of balance? How is her cognition? So the joyous feelings dissipated for me as my “always talking” brain wanted answers….
During those recent sessions in the “living room”, Kenny brought up Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon” on his acoustic guitar and I worked on the lyrics and the “A” harmonica.
This song puts me right back in this space and time with such a feeling that I can’t describe. I have no words for it. It is so beautiful to me. The Harvest Moon began October 11th, 2008. Eight days from this momentous Sunday afternoon.
Click here for the song.Harvest Moon In the Key of D, Neil’s favorite.
“Harvest Moon”
Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin’
We could dream this night away.
But there’s a full moon risin’
Let’s go dancin’ in the light
We know where the music’s playin’
Let’s go out and feel the night.
Because I’m still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I’m still in love with you
On this harvest moon.
When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.
But now it’s gettin’ late
And the moon is climbin’ high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin’ in your eye.
Because I’m still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I’m still in love with you
On this harvest moon.