Dear Reader,
Sunday , April 19, 2020
My last share was Sunday 3 weeks ago. Time is a river, and the water that flows under my boat, I will never see again. It flows downstream and empties into the swirling universe I guess. That doesn’t matter. That time is somewhere, and I’ll never visit it again in my lifetime here on earth. Today, I took a new route on the bike going south on Gulf Boulevard down to St. Pete Beach. I wanted to see where I go from there to to get to Gulfport and one of my favorite coffee houses which is servicing as “takeout only’ . Covid19 has shut us all down now for 5 weeks and there is probably 3 more weeks to go. But just like last time here in this place, I am not going to write about that.
Cycling is really my only regular joy. When I write the word “joyride”, that is exactly what it is. It is my time for me and me only. Since the last post I purchsased lights for the bike and I ride before the sun comes up. For the month of March I rode 3e30 mile. All in the early morning.
Caregiving is really wearing on me.
Sooooo…I returned bike to the condo around 9:30AM and Deb was still in bed, of course. …. I put together a summer squash quiche with Italian herb base that we would eat for brunch.
Yesterday afternoon, I spent four hours getting Deb back to presentable. I dyed her hair, got her in shower, got her to shave her legs and armpits, made sure she was her body well ( I mean all cracks and crevices). I should have got in with her because I looked like a drench rat but I felt like a tired, depressed old man. Next was blow drying her hair which, after so much practice and Tou tube instruction I can say I am proficient at that as well as straightening and styling.
I plucked some eyebrows and gave them a trim. Next up was her toes. I soaked them in a bucket of warm soapy water for 15 minutes and commenced the pedicure. So much patience is involved. I kept my brain focused on the task at hand while also admonishing her for being a “baby” as I was irrigating the cuticle area, cleaning out the “toegunk”. She did say however, ” I think you should shower after doing all this.” She was probably right. So now I colored them a nice rich red and moved on to the dining room table for the fingernail job. Her nails looked like bear claws. She could do some serious damage to my face with a surprise attack. That potential is ending. We matched them up with het toe and now she good to go. Naturally, there is nowhere to go. But I felt better because her hygeine had been bothering me. I make sure she washes her face and brushes her teeth twice a day.
Now, forward to Sunday again. I really am down in the dumps. I’ve been caring for Deb for 12 years now. I’ve got no cash flow from the business and like many of you, I don’t know when I will. I have 2 cGMP writing proposals in play, but the potential clients also are suffering. I don’t know if you know Dear Reader, that I also was starting a Personal Fitness Coaching business as I am a CPT and hold 2 advanced certifications in CE (Corrective Exercise) as well as Senior Fitness. So that is also on hold obviously.. I am currently putting together an online training platform and I will write about that later…maybe next time. I need a camera and microphone and there’s no cash for that at the moment.
I also put together a Chair Exercise Program (Level One) and I thought I would have Deb perform it today. I set the laptop up on the Tripod to record the session and arranged the chairs and lighting to record the session. I started the first exercise which is simply sitting in a chair marching your feet up and down and tapping your knees in a cadence. Deb couldn’ t perform the exercise. So we moved to the next. It wasn’t working. Deb,s motor skills are very limited. I can’t expect her to be able to move her hands and feet in differing motions, like lifting your arms upward while we march to a slow beat. These exercises are basically used in the “silver sneakers program”. My heart and soul fell two stories down. I was near tears. I am as I write this. I am in a real depression. I fought my way up mentally as she asked, ” Can we go outside?” “Yea, we can go to the Lake and take a walk.”
I walked ever so slowly on the lake trail and Deb was still 30 yards behind. I stayed silent as I tried to listen to the sounds of Mother Nature. But she couldn’t be heard over the humanoid sounds of loud jet skies on the Lake and radios blaring along the paved trail that runs adjacent to the dirt lake trail. My depression was compounding. “This is the only place people can go while we are still under the “Stay at Home Order”. I thought. ” I understand. But this isn’t something that is good for me right now. It is good for Deb,” I thought as I sighed. I don’t feel like a hero….far from it. So little joy today, every day.
Dear Reader, thank you for visiting.